‘Worry no longer, I am back’ – Tony Blair’s Why I Have Always Been Right About Everything, digested by John Crace

Former PM’s essay on Labour’s self-delusion shows he is the perfect person to provide such a critique

Hi guys. And the laydeez. It’s me, Tony. You know, the best prime minister the country ever had. The man with the rictus smile, the diamond skull and dead behind the eyes. The divinity who understands everything but himself.

I know what you are thinking. It’s been far, far too long since you have last heard from me. You’ve all been lost in the political wilderness. Bereft without your spiritual leader. Worry no longer. I am back. To comfort and hold you all. To shine a light into your sad little worlds. All I’ve ever wanted is to serve. And to be loved. But I hold no bitterness for the way you all turned your backs on me. So often the fate of many a messiah.